Ahhh.

What is your guilty pleasure? I may have just happened upon mine today. I just found out how cheap Sonic Diet Cranberry Limeade is from 2-5pm. $0.87. You can't beat that!

Our house was shown twice today - praise God! And, once was after I got home from school. I loaded up the dogs in the Tahoe and headed to the local drive-in.

I hate having to get out of the house for people to look at it, but it's all for the good of the sell, ya know? So, I always agree. And, I always take the dogs with me so that they don't have a nervous breakdown when strangers come into the house.

So, from now on, I'll welcome the afterschool house looker because it gives me an excuse to indulge in this little treat!

Laundry

Y'all, I have been doing laundry all the livelong day. I got up this morning when my alarm went off at 6:00am. I slowly trudged into the bathroom and started getting ready. I had been standing in front of the mirror no more than 5 minutes when my stomach started doing somersaults and I broke out into a cold sweat. I thought, "Man, I don't think I'm going to make it through school today." I managed to get to the computer to hire a sub for my class before collapsing back into bed.

Brian went to the pharmacy for me as soon as they opened to get my anti-nausea prescription. Luckily, it seemed to work on the old tummy. That chemo does a number on the body! And, the side effects are incredibly unpredictable. One minute, I'm feeling fine, normal even. Then, before I know it, I'm doubled over in pain or just totally wiped out, with no warning. It stinks!

Alas, life must go on and will go on, and until then, I'll be doing laundry. That's the one thing that persists - chemo or not!

It's that time again...

I'm going in this morning for my 5th round of chemo. Praise God, for He has sustained me, healed me, energized me, restored me, provided for me, walked by me, carried me, and poured out His presence on me. Only one more to go after today!

Today, I'm going to share with you my journal entry from this morning.

"Here I sit, waiting. I've once again found my schedule leading me to the cancer center on a Thursday morning. It no longer feels like a punch in the face to come here. It's normal, typical, and commonplace.

The cancer center waiting room is a fascinating place to me. The patrons are so diverse and unique. As I glance around the room, I notice a mother-daughter pair sitting silently in the corner. They are stoic and emotionless. Then, there is a married couple sitting to my right. The wife is in a wheelchair with her head between her knees. The husband occasionally tries to involve her in small talk, but she has yet to respond. Then, there is an older couple sitting across the room. The lady sits silently, studying the other patients, while her husband buries his nose in the latest bestseller. They haven't uttered a single word. A man who looks to be in his 60s just came in and quickly planted himself in front of the TV.

But, there are 2 women in the middle of the room. They aren't together, but they are sitting in close proximity to each other. This pair immediately caught me with their charisma as I entered the room. They greeted me with smiles and warm words. Sure, they're sick, too. Each one had an unflattering wig placed crookedly atop her head as a testament to the fact. What was so different about these women?

These women were like Jesus. As we walk through life, we're going to be flogged by trials, by less-than-pleasant circumstances. But, you know what? Jesus is right there, in the middle of them, waiting to greet us. For me, this room of disheartened people represents the world and all of its flaws and those ladies represent the joy of Jesus. He is bigger than any sickness, any broken relationship, any struggle that seems impossible."

Just Don't Do It.

Unless you've lived in a rural cabin atop a secluded mountain for the past 10 or so years, then you've heard Nike's famous catchphrase, "Just Do It." Well, I'd like to add "Don't" to their wise words while I talk about P90x. I'm sure you've seen the irritating infomercial parade its way across your television screen, and perhaps you even know friends and family who've bought into the beachbody business. But, I'm here to steer you clear of this crazy workout system.

Brian and I started the workout regimen 2 days ago, and it's pure torture. So far, I can't find a single thing that I enjoy about it (maybe my gelatinous thighs and saggy backside would claim otherwise).

The first night, Brian tried to kill me by putting me on the advanced program. After about 25 minutes of hellacious conditions, I succumbed to the temptation to plop myself down and watch the rest of the video from a reclining position. Then, last night I lasted for about 35 minutes before giving in to the carpet's coaxing.

When I woke up this morning, my abs were thanking me for my peace offering to my health, but I'm not sure that will be enough to keep me going on the beachbody brigade.

"Through faith in the name of Jesus, this man was healed - and you know how crippled he was before. Faith in Jesus' name has healed him before your very eyes." (Acts 3:16)

I don't care who you are, you have something in your life that is crippling you, that is keeping you from becoming all that you potentially could be. Maybe it's an unhealthy lifestyle, addiction, or life of lies, or maybe it's just unforgiveness or bitterness toward someone who wronged you. Perhaps you even have a true physical impairment. Whatever the source of handicap, I know a guy who can fix you right up.

You see, precious one, I've heard this story of the healing of the lame man countless times through the years. But today was the first time that God showed me another meaning behind this event. He opened my eyes to the fact that we all need this healing. This wasn't just for some man hundreds of years ago.

So what do you have to do? The answer lies in the first words of the verse - have "faith in the name of Jesus." That's it. I love the way the verse says "and you KNOW how crippled he was." It's like, he was a big mess. It was an enormous job and huge undertaking to get him healed. If he can be healed, can't we?

Whew.

So, I've been out of the blogosphere for over a week now, and I feel so disconnected. I have missed my creative outlet of blogging and also it's seemed weird to not know what's going on in my blogging buddies lives. Anywho, I'm back. The past week was incredibly busy, and I'm hoping for more downtime in the coming days.

Last Sunday, Brian and I made the decision to officially put our house on the market. You know, list with an agent and all? We came to the conclusion that we didn't have the time, energy, or desire to deal with the lookers who were apporaching us about our home. We needed someone to represent us. So, we enlisted the help of an agent early last week, and our home made its market debut on Thursday. Please pray that our home will sell quickly to a qualified buyer. We'd really like to move on to investing in a home that we plan to stay in for a while.

We trust the Lord to bring the perfect buyer at the perfect time, and in turn to provide the right home for us to move into. Our prayer is that He would just guide us through the steps and guard us from unwise or harmful decisions.

We spent the weekend in Midland, Texas for Brian's sister's wedding. It was beautiful. She was stunning - as always. It was great to see many of Brian's family members and long-time friends. Here are a few pictures from the day:

Brian. Always the jokester!

Erin, the beautiful bride.

Lauren and Josh (my SIL and BIL)

Berkely, the flower girl (and Brian's cousin)

Groom's Cake

Wedding Cake

Getting ready...

Here are some big things that you can help us pray about:

-house on the market - pray for a quick, routine sale to a qualified buyer. Pray for a smooth transition of ownership without any complications. Pray for Brian and I to be full of wisdom and discernment as we wait on the Lord's timing and deal with these matters. Pray for the energy to keep our home "show worthy" for lookers.

-purchase of a new home - pray that the Lord would lead us to a home that we can use for His glory to minister to our family and others. Ask God to make His will clear and to protect us from unwise business decisions.

-Chemo - my 5th (of 6) chemo treatment is scheduled for this Friday. Pray that the Lord would keep my blood counts high enough to receive the treatment. Pray that my body would tolerate the drugs with ease and without complication.

Thanks for keeping up with us!

Seriously.

"If I go to sleep now, I can still sleep for 4 hours before I get up. . . Okay, now if I go to sleep, I'll have 3 1/2 hours left before my alarm goes off." The frustrating thoughts continually ran through my brain as I watched the minutes tick away. I tossed. I turned. I covered up. I uncovered. I coughed. I stretched out. I balled up. I breathed deeply. I exhaled slowly. Nothing seemed to quiet my mind and soothe me into slumber.

"Just forget it!" I argued with my body. "Get up. It doesn't matter that you don't even have to work today, or that you have a busy day ahead. Kiss those extra hours of sleep goodbye and get up."

I unplugged my cell phone from the charger and quietly tip-toed across our bedroom to make my quick escape, so as not to disturb my resting husband who did have to report to work. Unfortunately, I wasn't silent enough. I woke him. I quickly explained my dilemma and exited the room.

After spending well over an hour just laying in the bed, pondering life and all of its ins and outs, I had a deep desire to sit with my Lord for a while. I felt him drawing me to Him. Do you know what I mean? When you just have this insatiable thirst to be with God?

Thursday had been a big day in our relationship, the one between God and me. He had shown His perfect, dad-like care for me in a real, authentic tangible way, and I was deeply moved by His generosity.

You see, medical expenses have been an enormous worry for me. Not that I doubted that the Lord would provide, but just that Brian and I would have this burdensome debt to overcome. I didn't want that to plague our financial future. We've had countless bills pouring in throughout the past several months, and I've just been filing them and reconciling them with insurance statements. Well, yesterday two more bills greeted me as I collected my mail. I thought, "Okay, I need to sit down and figure out exactly how much we owe. " As I reviewed each invoice and followed up with each provider, I found that we are responsible for very little. Can you imagine what an enormous weight this took from my shoulders? Here I am, a young newlywedded woman, thinking, "Oh my gosh! What are we going to do? I'm having 2 major surgeries and hospital stays, 6 rounds of chemo, 52 Herceptin treatments, cat scans, MRIs, bone scans, heart scans, ultrasounds, mammograms, biopsies, and numerous blood tests, injections, and prescriptions coming my way within a one year period." My head was spinning when I learned that 100% of most of these things would be covered by my insurance benefits. And, the hospital is actually sending me a check because I overpaid. Folks, God is good!

So, I'm once again thankful. I'm thankful that God woke me up with a hunger to praise Him today. I'm thankful that He, through the provision of insurance, took care of ALL of my needs.

"I Have ARRIVED!"

If you're one of my upclose and personal, real life friends, you've probably heard me say this before. But this golden nugget of truth that the Lord taught me about a year ago, once again rang clear in my ears as I studied Acts 1 this morning. In this passage of scripture, the disciples were dying to know when the kingdom of Israel would be rebuilt. The Bible says:

"He [Jesus] told them, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business. What you'll get is the Holy Spirit." (Acts 1:7-8 The Message Paraphrase)

Guess what, dear readers? We have little control over the comings and goings in our lives. What we do have, though, is the Holy Spirit to guide us through these happenings.

When I was younger, and less experienced in this life :), I thought that one day I would wake up and everything would be perfect and just as I'd planned. I finally would arrive into the wonderful rest of my life. I'd be done chasing after "it", and now I could just sit joyfully in "it".

Now, only by the grace of God, I know that I need not chase an "it", but rather a "He". He is my God, my King, my Hope Eternal. He is the one in whom I should be resting joyfully.

If you don't know Him, let me tell you about Him. I promise, your life will only change when you stop chasing the "it", and starting resting in Him.

More Merry Christmas

Oops! I forgot that I hadn't posted about all of our holiday fun. Brian and I headed out of town the day after Christmas, so I didn't have the chance to do a post about Christmas Day. All in all, we celebrated Christmas about 5 or 6 times, but these pictures give you a glimpse of how we spent the actual day of Christmas.

We woke up at our own home, and then we headed to Brian's parents' house for the day. I wasn't sure how Christmas would feel to me this year, as it would be the first time that I hadn't spent the day with my own family. But, it was a wonderfully, relaxed day!

The mound of presents

Brian's dad, Dale, is reading the Christmas story before the presents are opened.

Brian with his parents. We gave them the house sign for Christmas.
Kathy (Brian's Aunt) making pie crust.

No Christmas would be complete without some good ole' fashioned gunfire, right? (They were shooting squirrels.)

Sarah (Brian's cousin) watching as we try our hands at Wii Fit.

Jan (Brian's grandma) tastes the pie filling.

Sassy Sisters.

Art (Brian's grandpa) eats a healthy snack.

Brian and Dale give the dogs some treats.

Brian. (just playin' with my new camera)

Bri and me.

Paul (Brian's uncle) gets ready to carve the turkey.

Mother and daugthers mourn the mishap in the kitchen.

Things Change

August 2008

December 2008

Do you ever take a long look at your life and think, "How in the world did I get here?" As I was going through some pictures and cleaning out files on my computer, I came across these two photos. Sure, to you, this may just seem like a herd of unruly mutts. But to me, these pictures carry so much weight.

My, how life can change on a dime. The top photo was taken in our home on August 4th. I notice a few striking things when I look at it:

-Gladys (our puppy) had only been in our home for a few days at this time.

-We no longer have those floors.

-Samson (dog) chewed up that black and tan rug long ago.

-Josh and Lauren (the dog handlers) were not yet married.

But more than what I can see with my eyes, I remember how I felt at that time. I was carefree and unattached. I spent my lazy summer days leading the life of leisure. I'm a scheduled woman, even on restful days, so I did have a routine. I got up and made coffee, ironed Brian's clothes for work, made the bed, took the dogs for a walk, covered my husband and marriage in prayer as I walked my 3-mile track, spent time in The Word, blogged, cooked, cleaned, planned great meals, and just generally enjoyed an easy life.

However, when I look at the 2nd photo, a totally different set of feelings rushes over me. First of all, Gladys has grown so much! She is now the biggest of her doggie cousins. Also, this photo was taken at Josh and Lauren's house, who are now married. When I think about that night, I remember feeling tired. The unscheduled, free days of the past are but a fleeting memory. I'm now bound to surgery dates, doctors' appointments, and chemo treatments. They run my life, and they will continue to do so for the next 10 months or so.

What did I learn tonight from seeing these two photos? Praise God for where you are. Make His presence known and find joy in the place where He has you.

For Sale: One Charming Home!

The time has come for Brian and I to bid farewell to our first home together. Sure, it's charming and sweet. It's homey and bright. But, it's just simply the time for us to choose our own home together. I purchased this house as a single woman back in 2006. Now, I want a home that suits our needs as a married couple with three big dogs. I'm sure you know the feeling. For the time being, we've just listed our home as "for sale by owner", until I'm finished with chemo and have more energy to put into its sale. We just figured we'd go ahead and move in the direction of selling. So, if you know of anyone who's on the lookout for a wonderful new place to hang his hat, send him our way!

Ick.

So, some chemo days are good, and some are not so good. Not bad - just not great. Today is one of those not great days. I felt pretty good this morning, but right now, I just wish that I could get rid of this nausea. I just feel icky.

On an up note, though, I'm now finished with 4 chemo treatments, and I only have 2 more to go. Praise God for his provision over me and over Brian. I still have had more good days than bad and I feel somewhat normal most of the time. It's a true miracle, and I know that the Lord's care for us is the only reason.

And now, I leave you with a few of my favorite pics from our Destin vacation.

Please don't judge my totally natural face. Thank you, chemo, for sparse eyelashes and eyebrows.

All dressed up for dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

Handsome Brian in his new aviators.

Happy New Year!

Wow! Here I am on the first day of 2009 and I can't help but reminisce about some of the events of the past year:

-got engaged
-got married to my best friend
-got a passport for the first time
-traveled internationally (Grand Cayman)
-took up residence with a man for the first time
-put our house on the market
-took our house off the market
-inherited 1 dog (american bulldog) and adopted 2 more (catahoula bulldog and english mastiff)
-evacuated our home for an entire months after it was struck by lightning
-totally restored and repaired our home
-got rid of my beloved Volvo
-purchased 2 cars in one month (VW Passat and Tahoe)
-became the proud of aunt of a new niece
-vacationed in Destin, Florida with my hubby
-vacationed in Oklahoma with my family
-diagnosed with grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma (breast cancer)
-went under the knife for a bilateral mastectomy
-had 4 "pump ups" for my breast reconstruction
-took 3 rounds of chemo
-took 6 herceptin treatments
-shaved my head
-learned bald is beautiful
-learned to praise God in the storm
-learned that my husband loves me unconditionally
-learned that I love him just as unconditionally as he loves me
-prayed more than I've ever prayed
-been the recipient of the power of prayer and the outpouring of love from literally thousands of people (this still brings tears to my eyes)
-wrote approximately 300 thank you notes to these wonderful people

2008 was a huge year at my house. I had mountaintop experiences where it seemed that life couldn't get any better and that I couldn't possibly want for anything more. Alas, there were valley times, too, when life seemed impossible and the days ahead insurmountable. But, regardless of where I've been, I know that God was there. He was real. He was present. And He was glorified. I can only praise him.

Happy New Year!