Gratitude

Since the time I was a young school girl, I have always loved the meaning of cornucopias. They invoke a sense of nostalgia in me, but more importantly I love the idea that they represent. A cornucopia, or "horn of plenty", dates back to the 5th century and has been a symbol of abundance since then. Today, I feel abundantly grateful. I feel full and refreshed. I hope that you have the same abundant blessing in your life today. Join with me, as I remark on some things that make my heart leap for joy this morning.

1. My God. My Strength. My Shield. A Very Present Help in times of trouble.
2. My husband - he is my safe-haven and companion, my partner and my heart's delight
3. My family - they are my sanity, my sounding board, and my support.
4. My friends - they have picked me up and walked through the trenches with me
5. My home - my place of rest and relaxation
6. My church - they have rushed in and fed me, clothed me, shopped for me, supported me, cleaned for me, encouraged me, and blessed me
7. My doctors - each one knows the Lord and recognizes Him as the Great Physician
8. My workplace - they put my mind at ease as they cover my responsibilities for me
9. My dogs - they are pure comedy and therapy
10. My health - God has sustained me today.

I will rejoice!

Punkin' Patch

I'm sure that pumpkin patches are as near and dear to your hearts as they are to mine. I just love all things holiday - pumpkin patches, Christmas tree farms, holiday light displays. I LOVE the holidays! This past Saturday, we joined some of my family at our local pumpkin patch. This was Brian's first experience at the old patch, and I'm not sure that he'd give it more than one thumb up, but it was an enjoyable time, to say the least.

Here we are by the giant ear of corn - a necessity at this fall frenzy!

Here is Hensley Grace as her Uncle Brian swaddled her in her sling.

And, here's old mischevious Brian as he swaddled the aforementioned child. Look at the face on that kid, would ya? I think he's having a bit too much fun with the papoose.

Brian and Maddox on the prowl for the perfect pumpkin.

By jove, we've got one!

Mom and Ashley. And yes, can you believe she had a baby 6 weeks ago?

My sister, Chelsey, and Hensley.

Oh yes, more breasts!

Mom and Hensley.

Here we are, just waitin' for the hayride to the pumpkin field.

After all that time at the patch, we had worked up quite the appetite. Here's Maddox with his enormous drink!


We survived a day at the farm! And, can't you see the relief in Brian's eyes?

Finally, we're ready for a nap!

A Success In My Book!

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." [Prov. 31:30] I've decided, after a series of unfortunate events, that this will be my new mantra -to become this Proverbs woman. Too many young women define themselves by their appearances, possessions, and pleasantries in conversation. But, this experience of cancer has forced me to re-evaluate my life's aspirations. I no longer see the need to focus my worth on the way that I look. Sure, I still want to be attractive to my husband. I still want to take care of my body as God's temple, but I don't see the need to find my worth in the size I wear or the clothes I have or the car I drive or the jewelry that adorns me. No, my life's ambition must be the fear of the Lord, and that's all. When I am fearing God, I am showing reverential awe for him. When I am in awe of God, this forces me to see him as sovereign and to want to do His will.

Have you noticed how certain occurrences spawn more insight and reflection? This was one of those days for me. I felt the presence of the Lord on me like I never have before and I saw Him seeing me through this trial. Let me let you in on a few events of the day...

This is me in my chemo stall. I loved that they brought me a fresh, warmed blanket every few hours. Ahhh!

Brian. Always the ponderer.

Me and my sister-in-law, Lauren. I have to let you know about God's hand in this. He provided a job for Lauren at the chemo center 2 weeks. Coincidence? I think not.

Dr. Brian giving me a check-up. Yep, my heart sounds good.

Port access. Not the highlight of the day.

Ooo, look at that sexy mediport! Try not to be jealous :)

I'm not gonna be nervous. I'm not gonna be nervous ...

My great nurse reading me the right act.

This is me pouting at Brian because he wouldn't share my chair with me and snuggle. Just a little bit of medicine makes me extremely unreasonable. Poor Brian.

Catching up on my correspondence, er, uh, thank you notes.

And, the lovely fishies. I feel like I'm at the beach ... NOT!

After 6 1/2 hours, I was footloose and fancy-free, and feeling great. Brian and I capped off the night with a lovely dinner (provided by a sweet friend) and a trip to Wal-Mart. Alas, life must go on!

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Well, it's here!

Please lift Brian and I up to the Lord in your prayers today. We are leaving our house soon for my first chemo treatment.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Boisterous laughter and constant chatter is all to common when families get together. I don't know how your family is, but mine has one volume - LOUD [just ask my husband ;) ]. Last night we enjoyed a lovely dinner at my mom and stepdad's house. It was a great time of food and fun, and just what the doctor ordered!

My brother-in-law, Brian, checking the grill.

Ashley, Brian, and Maddox feasting on dinner.

Brian and I stopped to pose for a picture. Don't judge your opinion of my new haircut on this picture. It was humid outside, okay? Not a good thing for natural curls.

My mom preparing the bruschetta.

Granny and Hensley

Papaw and Maddox

David is preparing the shrimp.

It was a wonderful, fall evening and we enjoyed a meal in their beautiful backyard. Ahh! Now this is the life!

Busy Busy Bee

Quality time with family, a productive day back at work, voluptuos breasts and buns of steel. What do these things have in common? They were each a part of my life in the past couple of days. It's been a busy time, so I thought I might give you a quick rundown.

Last Wednesday through Saturday, I made the short trip to Beavers' Bend State Park in Oklahoma. We were surrounded by beautiful scenery, and I was able to spend some special time with my dad, stepmom, sisters, brother-in-law, nephew, and new niece. We had the best time catching up, laughing, talking, and just being together. Unfortunately, my husband had to stay home and work, so though it was enjoyable, I missed him terribly! I couldn't wait to get back and see him. This was the first time that Brian and I had spent a night apart since we were married in June, and it was the first time that we had gone a day without seeing each other since we began dating last November. It stunk! I think it was especially bad because, other than the Lord, Brian is my strength right now. He is my stability and sanity, and I start feeling kind of anxious when I know that I'm not going to see him. Pulling out of my driveway without him was one of the hardest things that I've done lately. But, alas, we've been reunited and all is well :)

Beavers' Bend State Park

After finishing up the weekend at home, I decided to return to work today. Just as the doctors expected, I am healing and recovering extremely well from surgery [there are perks to going through this when you're young]. So, I returned to my 2nd graders today, and it was a time of many blessings. The entire staff of about 75 people wore pink in my honor today. How thoughtful and supportive is that? Plus, I was inundated with loving cards, emails, and gifts. It was nice to do something normal after almost 3 weeks at home.

Voluptuous breasts? I bet you're wondering about that one. Well, I had my final "pump up" session today. In the type of reconstruction that I'm doing, you have skin expanders inserted in your breasts during surgery, and then you have them filled with fluid during various appointments with the surgeon. So far, these appointments have caused dreadful pain in the hours following, but I'm hopeful that this one isn't going to be as bad. And, the best part? My once meager bossom isn't so meager anymore :)

And finally, the buns of steel. Remember the fancy shmancy pink Dyson? Well, Brian's trade off for that was a Bowflex (and yes, I've been secretly curious about the infomercials for about 10 years now). So, tonight we worked together to assemble our new home gym. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to use it yet, but I can just imagine the buffness that will soon be coming our way!

So, you see, it's been busy in my neck of the woods. Right now, I feel as though my life is very normal, and that is such an enormous blessing from God. It's good to be able to go about life without worrying about health. Though I will be starting chemo this Friday (10/24), I praise God for the things He has allowed me to do throughout the last few days. It is ONLY because I've been covered in prayer that I've been able to return to regular life so quickly. He is worthy of my praise!

Whistle While You Work

I know. I know. Brian is the man of everyones' dreams. He's loving and caring and handsome and supportive. But, let me introduce you to the new love of my life - The Dyson Pink.

I had been begging Brian for one of these beauties for a few weeks. Some of you may be thinking, "Really? A vacuum cleaner is that exciting to you?" YES! I love to clean. It's therapy and normalcy for me. I'm a type-A, anal retentive, control freak at heart, and my house is one thing that I can still maintain some sense of control over in the midst of turmoil in every other arena.

Anyway, a week and a half ago, I was on the computer when this little notification window popped up that said, "Target Order Confirmation". My curiosity was immediately piqued. Quickly, I said to Brian, "I'm gonna check your email, okay?" He got a big grin on his face, and I knew that my dreams were rapidly coming true. Sure enough, my husband had purchased the vacuum cleaner.

Everyday, I would excitedly throw the front door open, in hopes that my new love had arrived. Finally, last week, I saw the big brown UPS truck slow to a halt in front of my house. I could feel my heart skip a beat and a smile overtook my face. "It's here. She's finally here." I sang gleefully to myself.

At once, I flung open the door to see... a baby stroller. You got it. An Evenflo baby stroller. "What in the world?" I wondered. Sure enough, Target had made quite the error and sent the wrong thing.

I had the poor customer service representative on the phone within seconds, promising to me that this problem would be remedied that very day. She was as nice as you can imagine, but I couldn't help but let my disappointment spill out in the tone of my voice. "We'll have one shipped out first thing in the morning, "she politely assured me.

So, after much waiting and anticipation, I'm now the proud owner of a Dyson Pink. You know what the funny part is, I can't even vacuum right now. But, that doesn't stop me from admiring her from across the room :)

[And, just a side note - $30 from each Dyson Pink purchase benefits the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.]

In the words of my husband ...

Brian was interviewed about his experience as the husband of a breast cancer patient by http://nanasboxnonprofit.blogspot.com/ (He'll be the feature post this Friday, 10/17 - check it out there). After he finished the interview, I was overwhelmed with pride as I read his answers. Just read on to find out for yourself what a true support I have in Brian! (And, no names or answers were changed or edited for the purposes of this interview.)

1. What were your first thoughts when you found out your wife was diagnosed with breast cancer?
It was a very surreal moment when Lindsey called me with the news that she had breast cancer. From the onset, when she first discovered the lump, the thought of breast cancer never really crossed my mind. I encouraged her to have it checked out but never expected it to be anything more than a little bump. When the words “I have cancer” came out of her mouth I kept thinking to my self she is only 25, we have been married less than three months this can’t be true. I commute an hour to work every day and that drive home those three words kept playing over in my head the whole way. It was a long drive that day!

2. How has it changed your life?
Being a newlywed of three and a half months my life had really been about adjustments and planning for the future. Lindsey and I were talking about selling our current house and upgrading to something that we both really wanted and a house we would want to bring a child home to someday (– no kids right now!). We were talking about five and ten year financial and career plans. We are both goal-oriented people and have things that we aspire to achieve. (I wanted to retire early and she has hopes of a career as a writer someday)
When the diagnosis of cancer was introduced into our life it put a giant “road block” on our 5 and 10 year road map. (Lindsey has affectionately dubbed it our little “road block”). Our priorities have obviously shifted now. Not only is our priority now, getting Lindsey through this disease, we also want to be an example to other people who are or could be facing the same thing. Cancer is not aware of your age, it does not care if you are a newly-married couple with plans of a fairy tale life on the horizon, and the bottom line is it can happen to anyone at anytime. We have shifted our priorities to fight cancer, and when she is cured, and we are beyond this point we will begin again for the dreams on our horizon.

3. What brings you hope and courage during the rough times?
My faith in Jesus Christ brings me hope on a daily basis. Lindsey and I have both agreed that if our adversity can be an example of faith to even one person then it is worth what we have and will go through.
John 11:4 states,” When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
Stories of Jesus healing the sick and performing miracles occur many times throughout the New Testament, so what makes this one different from any of the others?
The next verse tells the difference. John 11:5 - "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus."

Jesus loved Lazarus very much. He and his sisters were very close friends. The Lord allowed this trial happen to the ones that he loved knowing what the outcome would be. It says SO THAT God’s Son may be glorified through it. The people around Lazarus would never have known of God’s glory, or heard the name of Jesus had it not been for Lazarus’ sickness and the miracle preformed because of it.
I say all of this because what brings me hope and courage is the knowledge that my Savior's glory is made even bigger through trails such as this. I know that Lindsey will be cured and that our life will continue together, but, I believe that it is the rough times in life that our character and faith is put to the test and I consider it a pure joy (James 1:2-4) to face this hand-in-hand with my wife and Our Savior leading the way.

4. Did you want to know everything? (about the cancer, her status, etc.)
Of course I want to know every little detail. I want to know because in order to make the best possible treatment decisions and to map out everything it is important to gather all the facts.
That, and I kinda have to by default, when we do anything there is a crowd of family breathing down our necks wanting to know every detail of everything that is going on. It is good to know that we are so loved by so many but it can be overwhelming at times!

5. What advice do you have for cancer spouses and caregivers?
The best advice that I can give is always always be ready to put a smile on their face. Cancer can be a tremendously intense experience, and overbearing to someone that is going through it. If you can be there to take the weight off even for a few minutes by putting a smile on your spouses’ face it can go a long long way. Telling jokes, making my self look stupid for some reason, and just spending time with Lindsey has been great for the both of us. Nothing makes me feel better than when I see a smile on her face.

6. How has it changed the relationship between you and your wife?
Being a newlywed of three months, I never thought that I would know my wife on such an intimate level so soon. Normally at this stage, I was sure that the biggest relational issues would be trying to figure out which side of the bed to sleep on, or squeezing the toothpaste out of the tube the wrong way. Surely, she would not be aware of all my little peccadillos, and heading for the hills. :)
With cancer now a part of our relationship it has, in all honesty, helped me view my wife in a whole new perspective. This disease has exposed both of us to the core. Sitting on the sideline and watching her go through this is the ultimate test of my faith. I would trade places with her in a heartbeat, but, the sickening truth I have to face is that I can’t. However, I can stand with her and hold her hand through the whole thing. Being with her and seeing her handle this with such boldness and faith has given me a love for her that I could never put into words.

7. Have you had any other past experiences with cancer in a loved one?
Yes, unfortunately this is not an uncommon experience for me. Both of my grandfathers, my aunt (mom’s sister) and my mother have been diagnosed with some form of cancer.
My mother and her sister have both had spots of skin cancer removed from their bodies. My dad's dad was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in 2001 and unfortunately passed away about two years later.

My mom’s dad was diagnosed with grade three colon cancer in the summer of 1996. He had a large part of his colon removed and intense chemo treatment there after to control the spreading of his cancer. I am happy to say that he has been cancer free now for the better part of 12 years. He recently went in for a check up and is cancer free and doing great.

8. Anything else you would like to share?
Nope. I think I have covered it all. If you read this and want to know more about us check out Lindsey’s blogspot.

Sunlight

Genesis 15:12 "As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick dreadful darkness came over him."



Light is an interesting thing. Some people are content to allow lightbulbs and lamps and flashlights and other artificial means to illuminate their homes and workspaces. And, at times it is so dark that we are forced to use these man-made tactics.



It is my daily custom to open the black drapes in my kitchen and living room as soon as I walk into those rooms each morning. The outside light immediately floods the space whenever I carefully pull the curtains away.



This morning, as I was doing just that, God created a spiritual parallel for me. In our lives, sure, we can use all of the artificial light we want to get the job done. We don't NEED sunlight to accomplish our tasks. But, eventually those artificial lights burn-out and they must be replaced - maybe with the same old kind of bulb, maybe with the latest and greatest energy-efficient bulb, whatever the replacement, it too will need to be removed in a short time. But, the sunlight is a constant. It doesn't burnout, and it doesn't have to be replaced. Certainly, there are times when the sun can't be seen because of the drapes or when it's too cloudy to even catch a glimpse of it.



Isn't God the same as the sun? We have to seek Him [open the drapes], and even then He can seem obscure [because of the clouds], but soon enough His brightness will be illuminating our lives.



Can I encourage you to open your drapes today?

Company Came 'A Callin'!

Brian and I have been inundated with guests since the minute we got home from the hospital. Family and friends have surrounded us and loved on us and carried us through this struggle. I just wanted to give you a little glimpse into some of our fabulous visitors. And, let me just brag on myself for just a second. Yesterday, I showered, washed my hair, shaved my legs, got dressed, and put on makeup all by myself. And, I even went to the vet with Brian. Again, I can't say it enough - God is good!


Yesterday afternoon, Maddox came over. We ate a snack, drank a Sprite, and read a story. It was a bright spot. Uncle Brian even gave him a wheelbarrow ride around the yard.
A face only a mother could love? Hardly! That's my sweet husband who refused to give a smile for the camera. He's a great uncle, and you can see why he's my favorite comedian. He keeps me laughing all the time.
This is Ashley and Maddox. Doesn't she look fabulous to be the mother of a newborn and a two-year-old? What a high-calling the Lord has given her. Plus, she's been bathing me every day. Sisters are a treasure!

Good Things Come in Small Packages

This is Hensley Grace. She is my new niece that was born on September 12th. Due to the displacement caused by the power surge and the surgery soon following that, I haven't had the chance to introduce her to you until now. But, she was worth the wait, wasn't she?

Sweet Hensley is also the recipient of much prayer. The doctors were concerned about her size since her first sonogram. They prepared my dear sister, Ashley, and her precious husband, Brian, for the worst since then. Isn't God good?

She is lovely. Tiny, but lovely. She tipped the scales at just over 5 pounds, but she has steadily gained weight and she is perfectly healthy. Hensley was so excited to get out and see her sweet family that she came 3 weeks early. But her parents were wise, and insisted that the doctors induce then, following some unusual events. This is Hensley's family at swimming lessons this summer. Cute, Godly family.

I've had the privilege of seeing Hensley every single day for the past week. She's staying at home with her mom right now, who is one of my marvelous caretakers.

Babies are so sweet. They are good for the soul!

Homebound and Happy!

Dorothy was right. There truly is "no place like home." There is some magical feeling that overcomes a person when they step into their place of residence - at least there should be. I love my home. It's small, tiny even. It's nothing fancy, but it's mine. When I go into the bathroom and open the cabinet, my toothbrush is lying there, waiting to greet me. When I muster the strength to venture into the kitchen and open the cabinet, the cheery red dishes that I chose are there to brighten my day. There is just something relaxing, renewing, and restoring about the places that we hang our hats.

Thank you so much for your prayers for me on Tuesday and thereafter. Let me tell you, Brian and I were so covered in prayer that we felt joy in our hearts as I went into the operating room. We felt peace and rest in the midst of a very serious surgery. And then, the next morning when my doctor came in to see me and he said, "Brian, take your wife home to rest. She looks great!" we knew that people around our city, nation, and world were lifting up our names to our precious Lord. There is something so reassuring about knowing that the Great Physician is holding you in His care.

My surgery was great - my lymph system was cancer free. This is huge! That lowers my recurrence rate in a very significant way and it meant that hopefully I won't suffer from all of the strange complications that come with lymph node removal.

And, the doctors were able to do a skin-sparing mastectomy on both sides, so I'll have a more natural and less scarred result. Again, that's awesome for a 25-year-old newlyweds mental state!

God saw us through this first leg of the journey.

So, now what? I've had strict instructions to sit around for two full weeks. This will be very tough for me because I'm not much of a sitter. But, I've watched more movies than I can even count, and I've clocked more time in PJs than I have since I was an infant. Fortunately, I have a sweet husband who insisted that I have designer sleepwear to make my recovery a little brighter. So, these are the Vera Wang PJs that I've been sporting:

It's hard to find button up jammies that don't look like my grandma, but I can't lift my arms, so they have to be. Again, this is only temporary.

I also have this Nautica Pink Collection Robe to keep me cozy throughout this journey. It's the little things, you know? They seem to make this a little easier. And, Nautica's Pink Collection benefits the Susan G. Komen foundation which funds breast cancer research.

Again, thanks for checking in on me. And, I hope to be highlighting some non-cancer events in my life in no time!